Life is not always the simplest of things in my world. GET OUT! I know, I know, it’s amazing the fortitude and wit with which I deal with the biggest real world problems anyone on the planet has ever dealt with, EVAH. Ha. Ahem. Anyhoo…sometimes I don’t like to leave my house. I mean, I shower and stuff and change one set of comfy clothes for another, but there are just some days where I don’t want to deal with any of society’s imposed rules. So I stay in my comfortable little zone, and zen the hell out. This was most definitely one of those weekends. An extra day where my alarm doesn’t go off at 5 am, propelling me into a world where other people get to tell me what to do? Hells yeah, gimme my coffee grinder and fresh pj’s.
One of the productive things I got done was finally pulling my inner Eminem forth and cleaning out my motherfucking closets. After 3 garbage bags of things were taken to Goodwill, 2 were taken over to a younger neighbor, and 1 just went straight in the trash (seriously, I felt like a sleep walking hoarder- I have NO RECOLLECTION of throwing these things into my closet)I sat down to go through some papers and drawings and stuff from when my kid was little. I fully understand that people, especially those who have no kids, don’t wanna be wacked in the face with the ‘adorable shit my kid did 10 years ago’ shtick, so I’m only gonna talk about one thing in particular because it’s hilarious across the board.
The kid, who is now closer to 16 than 15 (wha’ wha’ WHAT?!) and two of his buddies were hanging out while I was going through artwork and adorable hand writing samples from Kiddie Kollege and kindergarten. The thing is, almost every single picture that the kid drew had something on it that looked like a penis. No joke. Dinosaurs? Oh, those long necks can be tricky. Bicycles? The picture of he and I toodling around on them in his drawing of “My favorite thing to do with my mom is:” gracefully included a set of balls. Um, I mean wheels. And the tank? Holy crow, he and his friends laughed so hard they had to sit down when I busted out the last one. I would include a picture but he stole it
In non-child related news.
I watched A Haunted House, the parody of Paranormal Activity with Marlon Wayans. I freely admit that I had a monster crush on his brother Sean when he spun the DJ magic on In Living Color when I was in middle school, and seriously these kids are still HOT. I promise that this has no bearing on the following quick review I honestly think this is one of the funniest spoof movies that I’ve ever seen. They made sure to actually make a movie, not the slapdash from one ridiculous joke to the next like a Scary Movie type flick. It is foul, it is hilarious. I laughed out loud, hard, A LOT. The smartest part of it, I think, is that people who hated Paranormal Activity will find it really funny, and people who loved Paranormal Activity (guilty) will find it hysterical. It’s not easy to hit both those markets, but they do it and it’s great. I figured there would be some laughs, but it was much better than I had anticipated.
I also stayed up late last night to watch the James Franco Roast. Again, a disclaimer: I think that James Franco is the shit. Not that everything that he does is perfect, but because he does whatever the fuck he wants if he wants to do it, just to see what he can do. He seems like a genuinely intelligent and interesting human being who isn’t afraid to tank at something. It’s hard not to be drawn to people who so obviously get a kick out of the human condition. Again, I laughed out loud A LOT through almost the entire thing. Aziz Ansari got the least laughs from me, and it’s not even because he wasn’t funny it was just that the bar was set ridiculously high. Bill Hader, in my opinion, blew them all out of the water. The fact that the Roaster’s really are Franco’s circle made it so much better than some I’ve seen, and Hader’s reactions made me laugh easily as hard as his jokes. Again, not for the faint of heart. It’s foul, wrong, and the dirtier the better. It’s worth being tired at work today to have stayed up late to laugh so much
Lastly, I finished re-reading Terry Pratchett’s Snuff. If you’ve not read any of Pratchett’s Discworld novels, my fangirl says GO BACK TO THE COLOUR OF MAGIC & START FROM THE BEGINNING. However, part of his genius lies in each stand alone story being fantastically set up all by its special own self. In this one, he somehow satirizes slavery, making you laugh while utterly breaking your heart. I believe the common sense that skims underneath all of Pratchett’s novels would be well delivered upon the people on this planet who make very important decisions for the rest of us…