The Third Go Round – Master Class

Storch-Badge-Masteri write this sitting in the kitchen sink.  mother thinks it’s just aDORable the way my ‘ickle chubby legs’ splash about.  very condescending, i must say.  for as much attention as she pays to me, i admit i find it surprising that she has left me in here unattended.  it is nice to have these moments to myself.  this is my third go round on Earth, and someone made a whopper of a mistake this time around, as i have retained both my memories and my motor skills.  i am sure that this was unintended and presents me with an interesting conundrum, behaving as a baby should behave in a tiny uncoordinated body.  i can hear that confounded woman clattering her way back here now.

**********

nap time.  mother is convinced that she has birthed the perfect baby.  i don’t take sick and i rarely cry, unless i’m hungry or i need my diaper changed.  i am not particularly amused by these necessities.  if i was just a little bit taller i could pull myself up on to the toilet and not have to shit myself in these little cloth scraps she insists on calling nappies.  i cannot count how many times i catch myself beginning to speak in complete sentences, even though my under-developed vocal cords would probably garble the sounds into incomprehension.  mostly i stop myself from saying things like ‘how about we put that jar of disgusting sweet potato mash back on the shelf and get me some more of those damn bananas’.  i am starting to get a little sleepy.  perhaps a nap would not be out of the question.

**********

so far i am six months into this iteration of self.  the last time i was sent back as a cat, so i suppose that means my character grew enough that i am being given another shot at improving upon my humanity.  where is that woman with my sweet potatos?!  i may have to give this crying thing more credit.  oh.  apparently i also need my nappy changed.  how did i not notice that?  mommy?

**********

i fear that someone has noticed their mistake and is taking steps to rectify it.  my thoughts are easily distracted by the colorful animals that dance in a circle over my head and my letters are getting clumsier even as i write this.  this infernal pacifier she keeps shoving in my mouth is so oddly comforting i find myself drifting off in the most unlikely places.  i hope we can take doggy for a walk today.  i like doggy.  i’m hungry.  i’m wet.

**********

i want my mommy.  want blankie.  hungry.

**********

The Master Class Spring Semester is in full swing.  Eric at Sinistral Scribblings.com has once again taken up his post as Headmaster of a bunch of unruly bloggers, to let us have at the first line of a published work with our own spin.  Newcomer to Master Class Kir (from www.thekircorner.com) was given the honor of choosing the first line this round and went with Dodie Smith’s I Capture the Castle “I write this sitting in the kitchen sink”.

All I could see when I read that was a baby being given a bath, and from there I just had to make sure that my voice didn’t sound too much like Stewie Griffin 🙂

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Categories: Fiction | Tags: , , , | 17 Comments

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17 thoughts on “The Third Go Round – Master Class

  1. Y’know, baby bath in the sink was the first place my mind went too. After reading your comment, I read the story a second time with Stewie’s voice. Just because. LOL

    • Ha, it was the first thing I thought of because that’s what I did for my kid and seeing as he’s taller than me now I became a tad nostalgic 😉

  2. I like the way you weaved this. It’s like they say that babies are born knowing everything, but the more they learn the less they remember of the secrets of life. This played on that theory well.

  3. After reading your postscript, I too heard this through Stewie’s voice. I liked the backward consciousness POV. Makes you wonder how right this premise may be.

    • i admit i re-wrote a few lines because it had gotten to the point where i was writing as Stewie because it was just too much fun. thank you so much for reading…

  4. David Wiley

    You know, I was waiting for the baby post and I’m glad it came from such a talented writer. I would go on, but really would just repeat what has already been commented by Eric and SAM. Except I haven’t re-read it with Stewie’s voice yet. I will have to do so…

    • ha, thank you david. go back and read it, you’ll find yourself inserting lines just because it’s funny. i really really wanted Drat that confounded woman! in there somewhere 😉

  5. Even though I bathed my three kids and my grandson in the kitchen sink, I never thought of that for this prompt. Glad you did. Made for a fun read.

    • i think the idea popped out because i’m in the mood to have another tiny small around the house 😉 thank you so much for taking the time to read, i’m very glad that you enjoyed it.

  6. This was great, it could have gone in sooo many directions. Though the fixing of the mistake is so well portrayed. Makes me a bit leery of the new granddaughter now.

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to read, I’m very glad you enjoyed it 😉 I’m telling you, keep an eye on her, she’s not smiling for fun she’s smiling because she knows something you don’t…

  7. I just love, love, loved this one! And like Eric, I had to refrain from using my “Stewie” voice while reading =)

    • Thank you very much, I’m glad you enjoyed it. It keeps making me randomly laugh, hearing some of the lines delivered as Stewie 😉 I really enjoyed yours as well.

  8. Shades of Stewie, maybe, but I LOVE the backwards evolution…

    • Awesome, I’m glad you liked it. Reincarnation is kind of fascinating to me, and you gotta imagine things go wrong sometimes…

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