I have this weird thing with my ears. And my brain. Or possibly the communication between the two. However the error occurs, I will sometimes hear words that are completely different than what a person actually says. The words are clearly spoken, but are so ridiculous I know for a fact that it isn’t what was said.
Before today, my favorite incident went thusly:
I was sitting at the foot of the bed, flipping through the DVR’d options for something to watch before I went to sleep. Some random show was playing in the background and Josh says, Hey, that guy looks like he bangs like a spider.
Okay, obviously I knew it wasn’t right, but it was what I heard.
(what he really said was Hey, haven’t we seen that guy in a movie before?)
This morning I was just settling in at work, and I heard footsteps coming down the stairway behind me. I turned around to say good morning, figuring it was this guy John that works upstairs. He smiled back and said, clear as day, Stinky buttfuck.
It took about five minutes for me to be able to stop laughing long enough to ask him what the hell he really said. I give him credit, he waited patiently all while he had to have been wondering why I was acting a fool.
Timothy Olyphant. There’s a picture of him on my desktop. He said Timothy Olyphant.
Stinky Buttfuck. Timothy Olyphant.
I am such an idiot that I am still laughing as I type this.
(Stupid stupid italics, I don’t know why this keeps happening!!)