Non-Fiction Nonsense

The Tree of Me

There are mistakes that I have made.

Like a giant and ever growing tree,
whose roots are my roots,
whose trunk is my me,
whose outstretched forked branches show me
where I went wrong in the outcomes of ‘coulds’ and ‘dids’

Some of the branches are gnarled and barren, and I fear
they would not take my weight;
they end in skeletal fingertips that tsk an Ah-ah-ahhhh! at the past;
This was a did that should not have been done.

Some of the branches end in an escapade of colors, an ebullience
of effervescence that says You have chosen….wisely.
That was a could that I did when I should.

Gurus & geishas & grapplers have all offered advice about your past:
dissolve it, embrace it, let it go, ignore it, forget it…
Me? Me, I want to pluck some of those brilliantly hued leaves off
and make some fucking tea, read the story in the leaves,
and figure out how I got some of these things so very right,
and some of these things oh, so very wrong.

There are mistakes that I have made.

I want to lie in the fork of a wrong turning and mourn,
weep over what could have been, and wallow in the hurt that was.

Then, when I climb upwards and reach for the next limb,
I will know to go right instead of left, and I will understand why.

There are mistakes that I have made, that I do not intend to make again.

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense, Poetry | Tags: | 8 Comments

Shenanigans

grain by atom by sub-atomic particle,
a slow flood became an avalanche once spotted;
wormed an unconscious declaration, didn’t you,
as love overcame annoyance, at your feet,
on my side of the bed

**********************************************

This, Week 113 at the esteemed http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com, we found ourselves asked for 33 words exactly that included the word
Worm, using it’s third definition: 3 : to obtain or extract by artful or insidious questioning or by pleading, asking, or persuading β€”usually used with out of

So, here’s 33 words about when I realized that I really was gone daddy gone over my guy πŸ™‚

Trifecta

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense, Poetry | Tags: , , , | 13 Comments

Random Snippets

Sacrifice and self-discipline were uncomfortably aligned in her mind, and she wanted nothing to do with either. She wanted to eat a goddamn brownie and stretch out on her bed, in her comfy pants, and watch an entire television series in one sitting. The thought that this was an accomplishment in and of itself made her laugh out loud.

She reached for a book, instead, to read a few chapters of imaginary transportation to a town called Desperation, founding father Stephen King. A strange book, for him. Gore and guts and old gods, sure, run of the mill crazy stuff. But also the Christian God, with a capital G-O-D, a straight out of the bible run of the mill cruel and loving god taking center stage as well. Worth the re-read, especially for this line: ‘That sound is about the lure of emptiness and the pleasures of zero.’

Now that line, that line stuck in her brain and resonated in there, creating its own echo that defined the sound King was trying to invoke.

Chapters done, she opted for a movie instead of a television show. Flicking through the new releases on Amazon, it seemed that a lightening humor would be a counter-weight to the overthinking the book had brought on. The World’s End, the nonsense about aliens and some sort of English pub crawl, perfect. Lo and behold- the comedic geniuses behind Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz managed to sneak a surprisingly grown up story into the background. Part touching, part heartbreaking, and all bitter honesty, it was still funny enough to make her laugh out loud over and over again. The soundtrack was fantastic, blasting her right back to her freshman year in high school, and the camera work and editing were so spot on that she rewound a few scenes just to re-watch their perfection. Also, Argus Filch redeemed the Red Wedding as the town crackpot, Basil.

Late night, movie done, satisfied but somewhat at a loss with her guy working the night shift and her boy child occupied with friends on X-box, she twiddled around on tumblr for a little bit, considered the night well spent and nodded off.

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , , | 7 Comments

The Random List Generator

(see the link to the article that inspired this at the end of the post, and hail Ray Bradbury) (this will maybe make more sense then)

skeletal tree branches scraping noise from an empty sky; tendrils of memories that bob like jellyfish; faery queen alights upon her lily pad throne; silence held with a jaw clenched, words battering against the backs of her teeth as she hastily smothers them with her tongue; a slow heartbeat, much like a slow clap, builds into a tumultuous ovation of effervescent love; the fading light drained the energy out of his pores, as if waning shadows and waning thoughts shared a common thread; motivation slipped through her hands, a rope burn that in her apathy she felt not at all; sacrifice and self-discipline were uncomfortably aligned in her brain, and she wanted nothing to do with either;

So here’s a little catchphrase collection, things that have popped into my head over the past few days that had no oomph behind them that I’m hoping will now attract their mating sentences to them like moths to a literal flame….

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/10/18/ray-bradbury-on-lists/

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , | 8 Comments

ooooweeeeeoooooo

The title is non-sensical, of course, but fits how I feel today. Life has been very involved lately, and having to send my laptop right back out again for repairs that weren’t repaired the first time along with a promotion at work that severely limits my surfing abilities has made me very quiet on the virtual front. So I figured, fuck it, I’m just jumping back into the game even though I’ve got nothing super interesting to say πŸ˜‰

This morning I was overjoyed that when I went out to start the car before taking the kid to school – THE SKY WAS PINK! It wasn’t black or a deep velvety blue, it was pink with little touches of amber just starting to gild the yellow leaves on the trees we’re surrounded by. The whole drive to the high school was taken up with me creating the lyrics to my new hit ‘All the Pretty Colors’ to the tune of All the Single Ladies, and my kid yelling at me to shut up and asking me did I not realize that it was Monday, and by the way, could you please shut up and stop singing. (the answer to that question, much to his dismay, was that no, no I could not stop singing). Much to the dismay of my co-workers, I still can’t stop singing.

Also falling on the plus side today is that this week celebrates the largest tradeshow of the industry that I work in, which equals a blessedly quiet week at work. Time to get caught up on all that nagging paperwork, time to work without constant interruptions in preparation for said tradeshow, quiet phones as most of our customer’s are at the same show, and no bosses or managers to be found in the building. They’re not really tyrants or anything, but it’s still restful knowing that the inmates are running the asylum. Or, I mean, that the employees are behaving the shit out of themselves and being nothing but super-productive. Hahahaha, couldn’t even type that with a straight face. Giddiness abounds around here this week, and it’s a beautiful thing.

I left for work a little early this morning so that I would have time to drive through our Cleveland Metroparks because that is my greatest pleasure in fall. (Vote for Issue 80, Ohio!) I put on Vivaldi’s Four Seasons and turned it up LOUD as I drove around twists and turns, over bridges and through tunnels created by YELLOW! ORANGE! PINK! RED! leaves, cold sunlight sparkling on muddy brown water, pine trees stoically standing as the remaining bastion of green in a forest of trees gone berserk. It actually gave me a cool kind of Fantasia-like idea for a story that I’ll hopefully have finished soon.

On the media front…
TV- this weekend I heard maybe the best line I’ve heard on television ever, from the Doctor Who episode where the Tardis is encased into human form: “Biting! I like biting, it’s like kissing but with a winner!” Maybe it’s just me, but I laughed full out for a good five minutes and it’s been a while since something gave me a giggle quite like that. On The Walking Dead, I rejoiced once again that I didn’t have to see anything with the stupid Governor (THIS CHARACTER’S ARC MAKES NO SENSE TO ME) and thought that Daryl Dixon pulling the silver back gorilla dead on intimidation face smoosh on the guy who dared to even think about challenging him was a fantastic moment. Although the kid shrugged and said I was crazy, it just looked like he wanted to kiss him. Subtleties are lost on teenage boys…

Movies- we watched The Conjuring Saturday, and I have to say that other than the last five minutes, it was really really really well done. It was much more realistic and believable than most movies of this ilk, and I found myself sidling down the darkened hallway of my apartment later that night to shut the house down with my senses reaching out to all corners, ready to jump through the roof if something clapped in my ear. I love it when movies just creep me the hell out, and there were even a few moments that I could tell scared my dude- he’ll start talking in the middle of a movie about random things, like a little kid who doesn’t want to admit they’re scared but all of a sudden just bring up how much they love chicken nuggets. It’s kind of adorable and hilarious.

Books- I was crazy excited this past week about two books. Firstly, I picked up Stephen King’s Doctor Sleep. This is a story about little Danny Torrance, from The Shining, who’s now all grown up. The Shining was one of those books that I read that just scared the ever loving shit out of me. Like, throw it across the room and yell ‘get thee behind me, Satan!’ at its innocent pages as it flies. This book didn’t, it’s not all up on the scares like that, but nonetheless I enjoyed the hell out of it. Excellent writing and a very interesting story, just creepy and original, touching and funny, with a little bit of the human condition pondering like you’d find in one of his more psychological experiments like Gerald’s Game. The second book I found that I just finished yesterday, was Lev Grossman’s The Magician King. I found the first book, The Magicians,at a used bookstore and picked it up because it sounded cool. I read it and then gave it to the kid and made him read it. It takes elements, purposefully obvious, from Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia, and puts a more mature spin on it. They are both totally worth reading; the references alone make them worthwhile, you can’t help going ‘Oh!’ every time you catch one. Highly recommend both of these.

So there’s some nonsense for you, and I suppose I should get back to work….

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , , , , , | 8 Comments

Long Weekends…

Life is not always the simplest of things in my world. GET OUT! I know, I know, it’s amazing the fortitude and wit with which I deal with the biggest real world problems anyone on the planet has ever dealt with, EVAH. Ha. Ahem. Anyhoo…sometimes I don’t like to leave my house. I mean, I shower and stuff and change one set of comfy clothes for another, but there are just some days where I don’t want to deal with any of society’s imposed rules. So I stay in my comfortable little zone, and zen the hell out. This was most definitely one of those weekends. An extra day where my alarm doesn’t go off at 5 am, propelling me into a world where other people get to tell me what to do? Hells yeah, gimme my coffee grinder and fresh pj’s.

One of the productive things I got done was finally pulling my inner Eminem forth and cleaning out my motherfucking closets. After 3 garbage bags of things were taken to Goodwill, 2 were taken over to a younger neighbor, and 1 just went straight in the trash (seriously, I felt like a sleep walking hoarder- I have NO RECOLLECTION of throwing these things into my closet)I sat down to go through some papers and drawings and stuff from when my kid was little. I fully understand that people, especially those who have no kids, don’t wanna be wacked in the face with the ‘adorable shit my kid did 10 years ago’ shtick, so I’m only gonna talk about one thing in particular because it’s hilarious across the board.

The kid, who is now closer to 16 than 15 (wha’ wha’ WHAT?!) and two of his buddies were hanging out while I was going through artwork and adorable hand writing samples from Kiddie Kollege and kindergarten. The thing is, almost every single picture that the kid drew had something on it that looked like a penis. No joke. Dinosaurs? Oh, those long necks can be tricky. Bicycles? The picture of he and I toodling around on them in his drawing of “My favorite thing to do with my mom is:” gracefully included a set of balls. Um, I mean wheels. And the tank? Holy crow, he and his friends laughed so hard they had to sit down when I busted out the last one. I would include a picture but he stole it πŸ˜‰

Behold, the mighty red Dino-sore:
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In non-child related news.

I watched A Haunted House, the parody of Paranormal Activity with Marlon Wayans. I freely admit that I had a monster crush on his brother Sean when he spun the DJ magic on In Living Color when I was in middle school, and seriously these kids are still HOT. I promise that this has no bearing on the following quick review πŸ™‚ I honestly think this is one of the funniest spoof movies that I’ve ever seen. They made sure to actually make a movie, not the slapdash from one ridiculous joke to the next like a Scary Movie type flick. It is foul, it is hilarious. I laughed out loud, hard, A LOT. The smartest part of it, I think, is that people who hated Paranormal Activity will find it really funny, and people who loved Paranormal Activity (guilty) will find it hysterical. It’s not easy to hit both those markets, but they do it and it’s great. I figured there would be some laughs, but it was much better than I had anticipated.

I also stayed up late last night to watch the James Franco Roast. Again, a disclaimer: I think that James Franco is the shit. Not that everything that he does is perfect, but because he does whatever the fuck he wants if he wants to do it, just to see what he can do. He seems like a genuinely intelligent and interesting human being who isn’t afraid to tank at something. It’s hard not to be drawn to people who so obviously get a kick out of the human condition. Again, I laughed out loud A LOT through almost the entire thing. Aziz Ansari got the least laughs from me, and it’s not even because he wasn’t funny it was just that the bar was set ridiculously high. Bill Hader, in my opinion, blew them all out of the water. The fact that the Roaster’s really are Franco’s circle made it so much better than some I’ve seen, and Hader’s reactions made me laugh easily as hard as his jokes. Again, not for the faint of heart. It’s foul, wrong, and the dirtier the better. It’s worth being tired at work today to have stayed up late to laugh so much πŸ˜‰

Lastly, I finished re-reading Terry Pratchett’s Snuff. If you’ve not read any of Pratchett’s Discworld novels, my fangirl says GO BACK TO THE COLOUR OF MAGIC & START FROM THE BEGINNING. However, part of his genius lies in each stand alone story being fantastically set up all by its special own self. In this one, he somehow satirizes slavery, making you laugh while utterly breaking your heart. I believe the common sense that skims underneath all of Pratchett’s novels would be well delivered upon the people on this planet who make very important decisions for the rest of us…

So. Word.

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , , , , | 7 Comments

Because of Michael…

!!

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Help, help! Come and witness the violence inherent in the system!!

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: | 7 Comments

Somewhere the Cosmos is having a chuckle

Mostly at my expense. That seems a rather grandiose notion, actually, so it’s probably just a squirty little offspring of the Cosmos who’s not got much to do yet. My brain hasn’t felt very creative, I’ve been more interested in reading and watching movies and catching up with tv shows than writing. Not writers block, just meh, let’s let others entertain me for a bit. That and the fact that my genius self dumped coffee all over my laptop and at this moment I’m still waiting on my whiz kid friend to tell me if he’ll be able to do anything besides retrieve the hard drive has left me slightly adrift, media wise. I did, however, make it out of the house twice in one weekend so I now consider myself a rock star of the party variety. Today so far has literally been spent chasing my cat around, throwing pillows at him and yelling ‘NO JOKER!’
Thus follows the cat chronicles of shit he’s not supposed to do, which is interesting to no one but me and my immediate family…(which is completely understandable- sometimes truth is NOT stranger/more interesting than fiction)
NO JOKER, please don’t attack Great Grandma Cora’s lamp

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NO JOKER, get off the kitchen counters

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NO JOKER, you can’t go outside and eat the birds in the bushes

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NO JOKER, you’re not supposed to knock all my Silver Surfer figures off the entertainment center

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NO JOKER, you’re not…oh, wait…

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Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

What’s a Process…?

a href=”https://thesqueakywheelblogdotcom.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/color-block.jpg”>color block

Trifextra: Week 76
( the picture has nothing to do with anything, I just took it and wanted it there cos I like it… )

So, apparently one of the fancy Trifecta editors was able to see Neil Gaiman and hear him read from his new book and do a little Q&A (please take this time to wipe any excess bitterness and/or jealousy off your screen). When asked if he could describe his writing process in three words, his answer was “Glare. Drink tea.”

Which is ridiculous. And awesome. And since he and Terry Pratchett are maybe the only people in the world that I would fan-girl-flail for, of course I think it’s adorable.

So the Trifextra challenge this week asks us to do the same. Three words for this idiot thing that consumes us and drives us and sometimes ruins us, and yet is still one of the best things about us. A few words went through my head that were true and accurate, a couple that were funny. But when it comes down to it my ‘process’ doesn’t have much to do with me and everything to do with what plays out in my head, mostly without my say so.

And so, in honor of the characters that live within and rarely ever shut the hell up, I’m going to go with:

Let them speak.

***

Link up, check out everyone else, you can read a shit ton of 3 word posts before your work day is done πŸ˜‰
http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2013/07/trifextra-week-seventy-six.html

Trifecta<

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , , , | 33 Comments

An Interesting Case Study

Alternate titles for this post:

Trust Me, I’m Just as Confused as You Are…..or WTF Brain, You’re a Dick

***

I was gifted with a contradictory personality at birth. Strength and weakness. Violence and peace. Brains and brawn. I am an extroverted introvert.

Most people equate introverts with shyness, but that’s not the case. I’ve got no problem with public speaking, I’ll spaz out on the dance floor and I have a laugh loud enough to turn heads (especially in movie theaters when I’m laughing at bits that apparently no one else finds funny). The only time I really doubt myself is as a parent, and I kind of take it for granted that you can’t grow as one if you don’t.

It’s not that I think that everything that I do is the bees knees (I LOVE THIS RIDICULOUS SAYING), I just have a healthy sense of self.

Along with all of the good things in my stew o’ birth, I also ended up with a heaping helping of crazy pants stirred into the mix. Anxiety, mood swings, panic attacks, depression – every day is like a day at the amusement park in my head, but you never get to pick the ride and sometimes the amusement is less than its name would suggest. Some people add manic, but fuck those people. It’s not my fault they can’t keep up.

Stress obviously makes them ping pong a little faster, a little more erratically, the beer pong players getting progressively drunker and more careless. Apparently, when my anxiety and my mania collide in this yellow + blue = orange popsicles universe the resulting big bang is apathy. Not like hit the snooze a couple of extra times or skip washing the dishes for a night laziness, but full on eyes wide open duh, what…?? My brain just won’t work right, I can’t make decisions, I turn the sound on my phone off and the only people that I have any desire to be around are my kid, my guy, and my animals.

I definitely can’t write. I’ve tried, I still try, but it’s all shite. It’s because I’m empty, I can’t access my normal people feelings so the writing is just crap. Ha, I can’t even write in my journal. The letters won’t come out.

I disappoint people and I hurt their feelings. The people who are close to me get it; they know that if they say Hey Idiot, I Need You Right Now that I’d never not be there for whatever they wanted. But if they just wanted to go grab coffee and giggle, it ain’t gonna happen. It’s hard for me to make commitments because if this shit hits on a day when I’m supposed to go somewhere or have something finished? That’s a big funny on you, everyone else.

There are so many tools I have that help me work through most swings; yoga and meditation, writing reading dancing drawing scratching the cat’s stripey belly annoying the kid snuggling with the dude walking in the woods…but in this apathy mode, taking that first step to get through the fog in my brain and grab on to the tail end of an idea of starting to get up and do something is really hard.

So I have to bow out for a few days. I have to ditch interactive social media, get enough sleep, and consistently turn my thoughts away from anything internal. For a few days it’s all about observation of the world and breathing, until I start stepping back into my skin.

It’s not the worst thing in the world, or the hardest. It is, however, amazing how exhausting doing nothing for a few days can be. I’m hoping that by writing this out I can shake the last tattered remains of this episode off and wake up. It’s kind of fascinating to watch the things that go on inside my head from an outsider’s viewpoint, honestly. Incredibly frustrating and unproductive, but interesting nonetheless.

I didn’t particularly want to write this. I definitely don’t intend for my head poo to become the focus of what I write. But I wrote something (fairly) cohesive and I didn’t lose interest within the first few minutes of sitting down, so I’m gonna chalk it in the plus column.

Yay words πŸ™‚

The cat gets it….

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Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , , , | 10 Comments

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