Posts Tagged With: real life

My life for the past three weeks

A few weeks ago, Dude’s friend called and told him that a stray kitten had followed her two outdoor cats into the house. Since she knew I had been wanting another kitty, she wondered if we’d be interested. Duh. KITTY. Well, as long as it was a boy, because female cats are great but I ain’t havin none of it.

So he sent me a picture and I sappily said oh yes, please, and after a stop at Pet Smart, here he was.

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After introductions and a thorough flea bath, the Kid got to name him as Dude named our first cat (Joker) and I named our Bearded Dragon (Princess Loki Mononoke). So, we welcomed Leonidas to our ridiculous little family.

I knew it wouldn’t be simple, socializing two male cats of different ages, especially since Joker is a spoiled punk mama’s boy. On top of the fact that DOMINATION seems to be the order of the day, they argue over perches and toys and boxes and attention. We’ve all gone out of our way to make sure both are equally loved and snuggled, and while he fights back with the best of him, Leo is ready to be BFF’s.

It’s getting better, slowly but surely.

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After all that though, I truly feel like I have a home full of toddlers. I am either feeding creatures, cleaning said creatures shit, or breaking up fights. Any neighbors that can hear me through the walls, I swear to goodness that I am not threatening to punch actual children in their tiny little skulls.

Maybe, once these idiots calm down enough to not need near constant supervision, I would love to do the thing where I pop in earbuds and do that wacky thing called writing stories.

At least they aren’t fighting messy food bowl wars anymore.

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Wish me luck. Please. Lots and lots of luck. Continue reading

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , , , | 12 Comments

A funny thing happened at work today

I have this weird thing with my ears. And my brain. Or possibly the communication between the two. However the error occurs, I will sometimes hear words that are completely different than what a person actually says. The words are clearly spoken, but are so ridiculous I know for a fact that it isn’t what was said.

Before today, my favorite incident went thusly:
I was sitting at the foot of the bed, flipping through the DVR’d options for something to watch before I went to sleep. Some random show was playing in the background and Josh says, Hey, that guy looks like he bangs like a spider.
Okay, obviously I knew it wasn’t right, but it was what I heard.
(what he really said was Hey, haven’t we seen that guy in a movie before?)

This morning I was just settling in at work, and I heard footsteps coming down the stairway behind me. I turned around to say good morning, figuring it was this guy John that works upstairs. He smiled back and said, clear as day, Stinky buttfuck.
It took about five minutes for me to be able to stop laughing long enough to ask him what the hell he really said. I give him credit, he waited patiently all while he had to have been wondering why I was acting a fool.

Timothy Olyphant. There’s a picture of him on my desktop. He said Timothy Olyphant.

Stinky Buttfuck. Timothy Olyphant.

I am such an idiot that I am still laughing as I type this.

(Stupid stupid italics, I don’t know why this keeps happening!!)

Categories: Non-Fiction Nonsense | Tags: , , | 5 Comments